1 year

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday

Maddox Donald Stanfield

As I sit here and think of you on this special day, memories flood back to me... I know you weren't with us here on earth for very long, but you left many footprints on my heart.

I can remember visiting with your mama daily while she cared for Audrey and your big brother, Deacon - she shared with me her hopes for another baby and how much she wanted you.

I remember the very moment she shared the good news that she was expecting you! We were in the car driving down to Lake Charles for a girls weekend together... We were so excited for your mama and daddy!

I remember when your mama and daddy chose your name and were trying to decide on which way to spell it... It was a chilly morning and we were hitting some garage sales - we chatted about it at a little table in La Centerra shopping center.

I remember the tearful meeting with your mama as she shared with us all what she had learned that very dark day. I remember the helpless feeling I had as I had no idea what to say, but wanted your mama and daddy to know that I'd be there for them in any way I could. I felt an overwhelming sadness as I tried to put myself in their shoes - even though I could never fully comprehend the pain that they felt.

I remember keeping your big brother, Deacon many times while your mama and daddy went to doctor visits far away and being so nervous for their return to pick you up, not knowing if it would be good news or bad news from the doctors.

I remember the amazing prayer meeting we had at church for you as we all pleaded with God for a miracle... In one way or another each prayer we lifted up for you was answered. It was a one of a kind spiritual experience - the presence of God was definitely there and in a strong way. Did you know that your birthday was supposed to be February 5th? The doctors picked that day with your mama and daddy... God's plan was just a little different.

I remember the morning of the Tuesday playgroup when your mama didn't feel very good and decided to go to the doctor to check on you. I remember the feeling of panic as we tried to make plans to be there to meet you and not knowing if your daddy or grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncle would be able to make it in time for your arrival. I went to get the key to your house and a list of necessities your mama sent from Mrs. Lezlie's house... I got all the way to your house and realized I had no keys to get in - I was a mess! I had to go back and get them.. Finally, I went around your house collecting things that your mama and daddy wanted for your arrival and got everything to them that night when we arrived. So many people sent food with us - It seemed as if the whole world was praying for you.

I remember the next day, January 23rd, after hours of anticipation and "what if's" we heard it was time for your arrival, we all gathered together in the dark quiet hospital room - joined hands and prayed together one last time before your arrival.

I remember when your very brave and proud father came to share the news of your birth, brief life and that you were now with Jesus. We were all amazed at his strength and peace and at the same time deeply sad for the loss. The tears silently fell from everyone's eyes as they are falling from mine now. Your mama and daddy had a strong peace over them and we all tried to hold it all together for them.

I remember seeing you for the very first and last time and thinking how much you looked like your big brother.... just so much tinier. The feeling I had when I held you will never leave me - It was an overwhelming sadness deep within my soul. I fell apart that night when I got home and saw Audrey sleeping in bed... and thought how unfair it is for anyone to lose a child.

I remember trying to drop off tulips to your house from all your mama's friends and seeing your family at home without you - again I had many moments of what in the world do I say? I regret not saying what I felt and just crying with your family... for some reason I thought I needed to put on a "strong" front - so I didn't make anyone else sad.

I remember your memorial service at church and how beautiful the music and video were. Not a dry eye in the place. The reception afterwards was just as lovely with delicious food from Hasta la Pasta. I enjoyed spending time with your grandparents and aunts and getting to know them even better. I had to leave early from the reception to get Audrey...

I remember bringing your family some meals in the weeks following and our first big group get together after your memorial service - I had to tell your parents that we were moving away. I was so sad to go - Your mama hugged me tight and shed tears with me... she is such a dear friend of mine, you are one lucky little boy to have such a special person picked out just for you! When you meet her in Heaven one day, you'll see just what I'm talking about... Happy Birthday Maddox.


Memories of Love,