Courting Friends?

**after getting questioned – I feel the need to clarify that nothing is wrong and nothing happened…. sometimes I write for y’all and sometimes for me – this is a type of journal for me to document all that we’ve gone thru and experienced thru the years and one biggest downfalls and biggest blessings of moving around so much is having to make new friends.  

Since we have moved many times, I have found myself in the same boat of making new friends and at the same time maintaining my old long distance friendships.  Both are equally hard.  One thing I have learned while trying to form new friendships is that I won’t mesh with everyone I meet (and that’s okay).  I have also been thinking about some of the conditions that make it easier to click with someone:

They need to be in the same stage of life.  This does not pertain to old friends, just new ones.  Although I enjoy the company of older ladies that are retired, it is hard to find things in common.  Same thing goes for the singles and the kid-less as well as people that have kids much older than mine.  We can get together and have a great time, but as far as the kind of go-to gal pal you must chat with daily… it just ain’t gonna click.

They have to have similar schedules or availability.  If you make friends with someone that has kids in school all day everyday and yours are at home with you, it is hard to find time to hang together, because you know if you had no kids at home you sho don’t want to be hanging around someone else’s. 

Your kids must get along with one another.  If they don’t, you must resort to only getting together when you go out and leave them with a sitter.   If your kid is always fighting with my kid it is not fun for me.  Oh and your husbands must get along well too…

It is important to be able to identify the negative nellies and the drama queens.  Don’t get too chummy with either.  At first it might be fun to gripe together about all the challenges (this give you a false sense of having a lot in common), but then all you hear is gripe gripe gripe – about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  The drama queens are the ones that have to make everything bigger than it actually is (this can be easily detected when you are doing your stalking background checks on facebook).   I have met a great deal of gals that fall directly into these two categories with each move I’ve made.. It is important to identify this quickly so you can make a clean break…..

Making friends as an adult is so much like dating… Should I call her?,  What can we invite them to? Out to dinner or over at the house? When should I friend her on facebook?  hahaha. 

Count it a blessing if you get to stay put in the same town and not deal with this on a yearly basis like me.   Never take your friends for granted.. it is hard to make new ones.

There are big ships and small ships.  But the best ship of all is friendship.  ~Author Unknown

 

I came across this article: and thought it was so funny (but true!)

The Evolution of Friendship

When you become a mom, your life changes. Your views of life change, your thought processes change and your priorities change. You never realize until after having kids a.) how much money you used to spend, b.) how much free time you used to have, and most importantly c.) the true value of a good nights rest!

One thing that shouldn’t change when you become a mom is the importance of friendships. Unfortunately I seriously struggled with this as a new mom. Figuring out how my friendships should fit into my life after I became a mother was NOT easy for me. In fact, my ideas of friendship evolved quite a bit over the years A.C. (After Children).

OK, so let me take you on a year-by-year “growth” chart of my thoughts on friendship as I “matured” in motherhood.

B.C. – (Before Children)
“I think I will take this Friday off work to go visit my best friend in Chicago! Hmm… things are pretty busy at work, do you think they can manage at the office if I take Friday off? Heck, if I am taking Friday off, I might as well take Monday off too and make it a long “girls” weekend. Maybe we could hit the spa while we’re at it!?!”
RECAP: Work Hard, Play Hard, Friends Rock!

Year 1 A.C. (After Children): 1 Newborn
I am TOO busy and WAY TOO tired for friends! I have a husband, a baby, my work… I don’t have time for friends!
RECAP: Unavailable and exhausted. Friends? What are those?

Year 2 A.C. – 1 toddler
OK, maybe I could use a friend. It would be nice to have someone to take “stroller walks” with at the mall and toss around parenting ideas with. I need a bit of sanity and some understanding from a fellow mother.
RECAP: Life is a bit lonely, I think I might be ready to meet another mom.

Year 3 A.C. – 1 Preschooler and 1 “in the oven”
MY KID NEEDS FRIENDS!! Since your daughter is my daughter’s age, we should be friends!? Right?
RECAP: I meet friends through my kid… oh, and I don’t necessary have to personally have ANYTHING in common with them as long as our kids play well together.

Year 4 A.C. – 2 Kids (Preschooler & Baby)
OK, I found a friend. A REAL friend. She has kids the same age as me, our husbands like each other… I am done… I don’t need anymore friends.
RECAP: Too many friends and finding new friends are TOO much work. I’ll stick with one, thank you!

Year 5 A.C. – 2 Kids (Kindergartner & Toddler)
BOO! My ONE friend moved away!… Maybe I should consider letting more friends into my life? Wait, can I be friends with you even though our kids aren’t the same age and sex?
RECAP: OK, maybe there IS an advantage to having more than one friend?! And MAYBE I should expand my “friend network” to include others outside my normal scope?

Year 6 A.C. – 2 Kids and 1 “in the oven” (Elementary Age & Preschooler)
A mom is a mom is a mom is a friend! I don’t care what age your child is, whether you have a boy or girl, or even if I LIKE your child! I need friends who can support me and not judge me… I am too busy for YOUR drama. My 6-year-old gives me ENOUGH drama.
RECAP: Quantity does NOT equal quality, yet it is good to have a diversified “friend portfolio.” Note to self: Ignore drama.

Year 7 A.C. – 3 Kids (Elementary Age, Preschooler & Baby)
Life is busy, thank goodness for cell phones, Facebook, Twitter and texting! I don’t have all day, every day to keep up with my friends, but I still need them! Now more than ever! Once I start sleeping, stop nursing, and manage to get the house clean for more than 30 minutes, can we try for a “girls night out” again? It’s a good thing Year 6 A.C. saw an increase in my friend index!

Question: The more friends I began with, the higher my chances are that I will still have at least one left when I actually have time for them again. Right?

RECAP: Lets call this… “The Year of the Electronic Friend.”

Present Day: 3 Kids (2 Elementary Age, & 1 Toddler)
So balance is returning, or maybe I am just getting used to the chaos? One thing I know though, my life would not be nearly as rich, as diverse, and as fulfilled as it is now if it weren’t for all of my friends.