7 Stages of Moving

I am sorry it has taken me a week to post.. I’m sure you’re thinking right about now, “ok, she has a helper there.. I know she isn’t ‘too busy’– what in the world is she doing and why isn’t she writing anything??”

A couple of reasons.. nothing really blog-worthy going on.. things that were new and exciting at first, like going to the park or the beach are the ‘norm’ now and well, you’ve seen it already.  Another reason, I mostly write during naptime for Will after Audrey and I have done some preschool stuff and since I have Espy here, I’m usually sneaking out to get stuff done solo during that time… and lastly, I’ve honestly been a little blue lately.   Again, I know I have an amazingly wonderful set-up with the housemaid thing, I’m not complaining a bit – I have just been in a transition period (which I knew was coming)… you see, we have moved so many times I easily recognize and can identify which emotion will come next in the stages.. I was going to try and separate them out here, but just before writing, I googled it to see who else has made ‘stages’ of the moving emotions before and voila.. found them!! .. I don’t think I would have done them the same.. I probably would have given way more weight to the “Goodbye” part of it as well as added another stage before Euphoria.. like  -Culture Shock- when you realize nothing really could have prepared you for this change, but you’re here.. you’re really not sure if you love it or hate it yet.. you look at everything as if it was going on a pro and con list and you think, “oh my gosh, what have we done!?”

ok.. here are his (John Hamilton’s) stages:

1) Dread. This is when you are still at home and have to face the prospect of sorting, purging, organizing, packing. It’s powerful.

2) Freneticism. This is when you make lists of all the things you need to do – closing bank accounts, buying that stuff you know you will be more expensive in your overseas home, seeing friends, having parties…

3) Planning. An offshoot of freneticism but different. Still done before you move. It involves making lists of things you have to do when you arrive in the new place.

4) Waiting. Everything’s done. You’ve said goodbye to everyone [sometimes twice]. Now what? It’s like being bored – but with an edge. You can’t relax because soon you are going to get on a plane.

5) Euphoria. The honeymoon phase. When you arrive, you see the differences between the old and new culture in a romantic light. Some website says: “… an individual might love the new foods, the pace of the life, the people’s habits, the buildings and so on. During the first few weeks most people are fascinated by the new culture. They associate with the nationals that speak their language and are polite to foreigners. This period is full of observations and new discoveries. Like many honeymoons this stage eventually ends…”.

6) Negotiation. Now we’re getting theoretical.  “The differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. That sense of excitement will eventually give way to new and unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as one continues to have unfavorable encounters that strike you as strange, offensive, and unacceptable. These reactions are typically centered around the formidable language barrier as well as stark differences in public hygiene, traffic safety, and the type and quality of the food. One may long for familiar food, may find the pace of life too fast or slow, may find the people’s habits annoying, disgusting, or irritating. This phase is often marked by mood swings without apparent reason. Excitement turns to disappointment. Depression is not uncommon.” … 

7) Adjustment. They tell me that: “…  after some time (usually 6 – 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more “normal”.

I’m settling in hard to number 6: what he calls “Negotiation” for me it is a bit different.. I would call it “New Reality” -  It seems like we have been here a long time, I am SO lonesome for my ‘stuff’.  I am OVER being in this apartment and the challenges it brings.  I am having anxiety about planning a trip back to the US during the summer, but I am missing my family, missing my friends, never get to talk to anyone (still no phone), don’t really skype often, I’m having a hard time meeting/connecting with people and making friendships for myself and my kids, and overall, just feel really alone.   Charles works very long hours so we don’t see him really until 8:30 at night…  this isn’t meant to be a complaining platform, just a honest-to-God reality of the emotional ups and downs.  The highs are really high and the lows can be really sad.   I’m not a mess over here or anything and don’t need medication, so don’t worry!!  I just wanted to keep it true, honest and real for those of you that really want to know and others that may follow in a similar experience and may have the chance to be prepared for it all. I have never been one to sugar coat things, and I don’t want to paint a distorted picture that things are just always wonderful. 

I can remember this feeling with the initial move to Houston from Lake Charles several weeks after our wedding and again when we moved to South Carolina and was totally surprised and taken off guard by it in Sugar Land.. so this is something I have dealt with before and I know God gets me thru this, He has proven it time and time (and time) again.  I know that the next ‘big high’ that is on it’s way is our shipment – it will arrive in less than one week and within 5 days of it’s arrival, it should be delivered! 

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to it.. I think I may even cry when I see our stuff arrive!!  please don’t misinterpret this as materialism.. it is a deep affection and connection to all the things that are familiar to me and my family.  We have moved sooo many times in the short time we have been married (5 times in 6 1/2 years) and the houses change so often, they don’t mean much to me and it is easy come easy go, but all of our ‘stuff’ has stayed the same no matter where we go, it follows us.. so in a sense, all of our belongings have come to define home for us.  It will symbolize that Abu Dhabi really is our new home… I am anticipating it to be an emotional time for me just because it may make it all too ‘real’ or it may finally make it really comfortable… I’m thinking it will be a little bit of both even though it is totally contradicting...    This is so difficult to try and explain, but I know that some of you will get it and others probably not, and that’s okay – I honestly don’t think anyone can truly truly understand the strangeness of the emotion unless you’ve been thru it (just like anything else).  again, it isn’t all bad or negative, it just can be foreign and lonely at times. 

I am comforted in knowing that this is a stage of moving and not what it is all about, it gets much better when home is established, routines are in place, friendships grow, and visitors start coming.. (hint hint). 

Lots of love, from 1/2 way around the world